Let Love in. Let God in.

I remember when my Pastor asked me during our last youth service last year of what I am expecting this 2012 and how I see 2011, I told Him, 2011 is good and 2012 is going to be better.

Indeed, alot have had happen and I can’t thank God enough that His favor and His grace overflows in my life. 

How I see 2012? 2012 is really better than any year that has passed, but God has promised me that He is making new things again. I believe the best one. no more good, no more better, always the best. God always have the best for me. He is detail oriented and details take time but I am willing to wait. :)

I pray for blessings of love and peace for you this 2013. :)

Happy new year!

God bless!

“Almost everyone is obsessed with leaving a mark. Bequeathing a legacy. Outlasting death…but the marks humans too often leave are scars.” John Green The chasm of chasing after the wind is far too wide. People are often pushed of involving themselves in finding their own legacy. Making the most of their life and building their own statues. We spend a lot of our time asking what happiness is but never had an effort on seeking this happiness. We always question things but never make any move on investigating them. We are such a talker and potentially the greatest nagger of all creations. This, indeed, is just a great misery. Finding faults in your own self then you can do nothing because you have also become a fault. In this world, I just don’t want to be somebody. I don’t want the world to notice me or even know me. I want to be a stranger walking lightly in this earth. Acting profoundly in this cosmic scale but wearing a mask. I want to be a stranger who does great things that might be forgotten be in this world but still account eternally on heaven realms. I want to be do things that lasts not a lifetime but eternally. I want to see beyond everything that is found by merely looking. I want to listen beyond the things they have absorbed by merely hearing. I want to know and acquire the wisdom they can never found by merely reading. In this world that is fond of making moments that will last a lifetime, making memories that will never be forgotten, I want to make a difference, I want myself to be the moment, to be the memory, the spark, the fault-line, the moment arm, the inertia, the friction and everything that causes great things to happen. I don’t want any statue; I want to be the concrete that build the statue. “My thoughts might be like the stars I cannot fathom into constellations” but I’d like to make a difference by writing things that are unfathomable. Truly, poetry in its majesty of being a poetic language is not for the people who writes it but for the ones who reads it. I really want to think of the things that are “unholdable” but being handled. Randooooooom. 

I am trying to write down thoughts. Unbearable thoughts. Some are shattered, some are diminished, some are nowhere to be found, some are unfathomable, ridiculous, full of pain, thrown up by the waves onto the rocks and the shore and then brought back again to its home: the sea of memories, the ocean of moments that might not be remember forever but will always last forever.

They say that the only constant thing in this world is change. Isn’t the word constant a constant?

I don’t know what to write. Where to start. How and why would I do this?

I can’t find the inspiration within me that will push me to write.

I am neither in love nor hurt. I am neither experiencing extreme pain nor extreme joy.  It was all plain, blank, not empty but things that fills me isn’t enough to write. I am in search for something that I don’t know, something that I haven’t found, looking for something that isn’t terribly missing but misplaced all over me.

I need to harmonize these things inside me in order to find what is needed to be found.

This is the worst feeling ever, not feeling anything.

This is the worst state ever, not being identified of which state you are in.

This is worst, ever, being worst, feeling worst, feeling plain feeling blank.

Maybe we’re better off this way, maybe it’s better not to be brave. This is the only thing I am afraid of losing the risks I have put into. To be with you means to hurt you inevitably. Pain might really demands to be felt and misery is optional but still, I don’t want to cause you any pain. I just don’t want. 

If you can’t find any miracle, then be the miracle. You are the miracle.

After all i really wonder, why things why there are spaces between my fingers, was that suppose to serve a purpose of waiting for the hand that will fill it? and I really wonder, who owns that hand?

You don’t have to associate your self-worth with your grades. You shouldn’t not associate your self worth with what you can do, what you have or what you don’t have. if you do so, you’ll find yourself cheaper as ever. YOU ASSOCIATE, THEREFORE, YOURSELF WITH WHAT’S BEEN DONE FOR YOU. You associate yourself with the CROSS, there, You will find yourself valued the most.

You don’t have to associate your self-worth with your grades. You shouldn’t not associate your self worth with what you can do, what you have or what you don’t have. if you do so, you’ll find yourself cheaper as ever. YOU ASSOCIATE, THEREFORE, YOURSELF WITH WHAT’S BEEN DONE FOR YOU. You associate yourself with the CROSS, there, You will find yourself valued the most.